We spoke to Alex about his experience of being out in the workplace, what advice he would give to someone looking to come out in a professional environment,and how companies can build an inclusive work environment. Find out what he had to say.
What inspired you to come out at work? How did you approach the conversation?
I have always been out at work. I went from working in a queer bar in Manchester Gay Village and moved straight into the Student Services team at Kaplan. So it wasn’t really much of a question of being out or having to come out, but obviously not everyone's going to recognise a Gay Village venue's name and then just think “Oh, definitely gay.”
I have always been proud to say that I worked in the Gay Village and talk about the experience I gained there. It’s part of a community, which is one of the strong reasons why I worked there for so long. I felt like I was really part of the community and really engaged with that.
So, coming out at work was pretty easy as you make a rapport with people during your training and you just chat and end up mentioning “Oh my partner loves that.” Using the word ‘partner' normally opens the door to them thinking that I may be gay, then further conversations go on and I mention his name and they start to get it.
Have you previously in any workspaces had any issues with coming out?
Originally I started working in a little pub in the south of England, it was my first ever job. Coming out there was very scary just because it was a little fisherman's pub. It was that dreadful moment where someone asks, “have you got a girlfriend?” and I was like “I don't really like girls, I kind of like boys.” Then my boss slapped me on the back and said “I knew it!”.
“It is weird coming out in workplaces, you kind of have to do it again, and again, and again.”
If it’s not ‘obvious’ that you're a queer person, sometimes you just have to come out repeatedly and have the whole conversation again. It's just a bit annoying, but it's kind of an inevitable part. Most people just presume as default that you’re straight, which is frustrating but it's not the end of the world. But it’s also not my favourite conversation to have.
It's strange as people tend to link sexuality to the way people present themselves. If you're not stereotypically masculine or feminine, people presume queerness. Which isn't necessarily the case, it could just be someone's comfortable with being themselves. However it happens the other way too, if you do tend to fit the expected stereotypes, people assume you are straight. It can be extremely frustrating as sexuality isn’t directly linked to your gender or the way you present.
Has there been any challenges you faced by being openly out in the professional industry?
I think sometimes people get carried away with being a bit too personal, they push the boundaries and will ask me questions about being gay. I don't entirely feel comfortable telling you about personal intricacies of the gay community whilst we are meant to be talking about systems admin.
It is also expected that I should be an ambassador for all gay people, or I should know everything about all queer stuff. And it's just a presumption that I can speak on behalf of every gay man everywhere.
People tend to go into an eager curiosity and I'm happy to answer questions, but there’s a time and place.
Has your identity influenced your career path and the way you've approached work?
I don't feel like it's either influenced it negatively or positively, it’s just a simple statement of truth. There’s never been a situation where someone has said we are choosing this because you're gay. Unless someone has invited me to do something that's specifically LGBT oriented.
I haven’t had many negative experiences in a workplace environment because of my sexuality. I did work for a long time in a queer community and obviously there's a lot of difficulties navigating that. Especially with people who are not very respectful of the spaces that they are in and some people who judge you just because you are in the presence of a queer venue.
As far as moving into a more corporate business, I've not really experienced anything negative. Being in the Service Operations department in particular, it’s a very diverse team with people from all walks of life and different faiths and creeds. Everyone is incredibly respectful, irrespective of their own personal beliefs.
“No one's going out of their way to make my day miserable, just because they don't personally agree with the way I live my life, and neither do I actively distrust them just because they have a political view or belief.”
Is there any advice or insight you could provide to anyone who is considering coming out in the workplace?
First and foremost is to consult your own safety, this is paramount. But, also make sure you do it for yourself and entirely on your own schedule. There's no judgement from the people around you, or from your own community, about when that has to happen.
There's a weird pattern in films where I’ve noticed that people get upset that someone didn't come out on someone else's schedule, and that there is some form of dishonesty behind it, or someone's upset that someone else is not out. However in real life, with gay and queer people, no one ever passes that judgement because it is simply your own personal journey. It's entirely to do with when you feel ready and when you feel safe enough to do so.
Just know that there is a community that will wait and does want to have you in it.
How can a workplace make sure to show it is inclusive and help people to feel safe to be themselves?
It can make an environment feel safer when you have representation,imagery, and messaging that helps you understand that people are comfortable with inclusivity. Obviously, it's a long step between coming out and seeing a rainbow flag on someone's desk.
I guess it's more of the idea of striving for inclusive spaces and inclusive hiring practices, whether that's ensuring that the people recruiting for jobs are considering all factors and have had the relevant training. But also making sure the expectation has been put upon them to be acting in the best interest of both the company and to create a more inclusive environment.
If employers don’t communicate to people and say, “We don't want every single person who works in a certain office to look the exact same, to be from the exact same background, to have the exact same experience, we do want diversity here.” And outwardly go and say that to those people that are making those hiring choices, how is anything going to change?
It's also as simple as being progressive with environments that you're in. For example, it can be just making sure that restrooms are available to people of all faiths and gender, or ensuring that there are accessible prayer spaces in the building that you work in. Even just simple things like making sure oat milk is available instead of just regular milk can make a difference.
“It's small, genuine gestures that make people's lives accessible and make them able to be in the environment. Rather than rules that keep them out or police the way that they can act.”
These sorts of things are very important to people and that's what makes a good employer. Helping people to know that they are valued and they're able to act accordingly within their own beliefs.
Kaplan resources available for staff and learners
If you need any support or general well-being advice, please visit our equality, diversity, and inclusion page where you can find several resources and points of contact for whatever you need.
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